Fulfilled by God

Yesterday my school director, challenged Mel and I to write a note expressing the awesome things in which God was doing in our lives. The things we have conquered with Gods strength and the things God is continually growing in us. So i decided to take the challenege as an encouragment to you and as a smack in the face to me, since i never actually sit down and think about these things. Well i suppose we should start from the beginning of this school year, I was absolutely petrified to come here for school. I had so many anxieties about being away from home and not having my friends around me and being in school again. But God shot all of those out of the water. Immediatly when i got here i felt like i was at home. He has surrounded me with loving friends and those which i would call family. I am so thankful that i am here.
Since then i know God has been working in my life non-stop. I see Him doing so much. I have conquered fears and done new things and met so many wonderful Godly people. I know God is working in my heart so much.
Part of this year I was at an internship and i was home, there were things that happened that really hardened my heart. I didnt feel anything coming back to school. I was angry with God and i couldnt seem to shake it. Recently i was talking with a friend about the things that were on my heart, the things i was worried about and the things that consumed my every thought. I didnt really realize how much stuff was built up. After talking through it I felt like i needed to do something more about it. You would think that my first action would be to pray about it. But it wasnt, that was the last thing i did. On wednesday we had a chapel and through out the whole service i felt God calling me to give it all over to Him. The person speaking was starting an alter call, and to be honest i have no idea what she said or what it was even for, but i went up and just sat in Gods presence. I didnt know what to say for what seemed like forever, but eventually the words just started pouring out of my head. I was so sorry. I felt so dumb for blocking God out for so long and i knew all of it could have been fixed sooner if i had just gone to God first instead of building up anger and letting my heart turn cold. People came around and prayed with me a few times which was nice, but even after their prayers and words of encouragment i still couldnt move. i felt like i just needed to completely fully surrender it all to God before i could go anywhere, and i needed to do it on my own. When i was finished i felt such a weight lifted. I felt i needed to cry for days since i hadnt in months. i know the weight lifted thing can be a cliche but it actually felt like that. I know i am free from those feelings because CHRIST has set me free.

Well i went from the beginning to the end really fast but i think those are the biggest things that God has done for me. I am very much looking forward to what else the Lord has in store for me here at school. The opportunities are endless and i know that there are going to be things so life changing, that bring me to my knees in awe, and i know there will be other moments when i am brought to my knees because i wont have the strength to stand but in those moments i know that God, whether He is just spending some time with me or he is giving my legs an energy boost to stand again, isnt going anywhere and i know He wont ever leave me. I know trials are going to come but He wont ever leave me. I know life is giong to get hard but i know He wont ever leave me. I know that i am going to get tired but i know He wont ever leave me. I know there will be times when i feel like my world is falling apart but i also know He wont EVER leave me. I know he is there to rejoice with me and cry with me. I know that everyday He will continue to bless me everyday even when i dont acknowledge it. I know that He will continue pour His grace out on my life. I know He loves me and no matter how far i push from Him i know He will always have His loving arms open for me to come back.

Its the Most Wonderful Time of the Year :)

Wow I haven't posted on here in about a month! A lot has happened in this month, so let me just give you a recap of whats been happening.

On November 21st MY BEST FRIEND surprised me at school. She is New Zealand. If you want to see my reaction check it out on facebook. there was a lot of screaming and crying. She is here until the end of January. I am beyond blessed to have her here. AND she has been staying in NH like 40 minutes away from me so i see her at church and all through the week. It has been so very awesome and even if it was only one day i got to hang out with her i would be ecstatic. but its been more so you can imagine my excitement!

On November 23rd I left for thanksgiving and my internship. That day i had a 3 hour lay over in Boston and had the opportunity to reach out to a older woman. It was such a great moment.

November 24th was thanksgiving! It was so great to be with my family. I am so glad i can be the one they look to, to say the thanksgiving blessing every year. :) Its a blessing to me to be in that position. I also actually sat down and had a great conversation with my mom and aunt.

I went to my internship on the 26th i believe. It has been great. i have been able to do many things in the corps. From counting kettles to running the Christmas Castle. I have had opportunities to chat with people coming into the food pantry. It has been a blessing to be here and grow in my own strength. Now don't get me wrong there have been some not so great moments since being here. Especially since it is kettle season. There is a lot of stress and not enough sleep. But it has still been great.

On November 12th i had a great opportunity to reach out to some people at the laundry mat and tell them a bit about The Salvation Army. I am praying for those two people and i would ask that when you have times like that you do the same. I don't know anything really about there lives but God has really laid it on my heart to pray for them.

On November 15th I was having a really tough day thinking about Justin and things i will be facing when i go home, and my BFF came and stayed over so she could be there for me. I suppose the great thing about all of that was that even if she wasnt here i know i could count on her to be there somehow for me. We got to spend an extra unexpected night together and i felt so blessed. we were able to pray down at the beach last night and really just go to God together with our trials and troubles. What a blessing, eh?


I suppose that is about it thus far. I am looking forward to going home and spending time with friends and family this Christmas season. I know i will be blessed and i am very much looking forward to all of the things that will happen.

I hope all of you reading this have a marvelous Christmas and New Years! I will post again when i get back to school in January. Blessing on all of you!

Leaf Fight!!

Ok so this is the second time i am writing this. The last time toward the end i decided to take a different approach.

Today was a great day. Around 4pm the kids at the SFOT got home and were in their afterschool program. I decided when my class got over that i wanted to have a leaf fight. Since there are about a zillion leaves outside right now, and it was beautiful weather today! So anyway, I gathered up a few of the 3rd 4th and 5th graders and we went outside. From the second I stepped out the door my heart was filled with joy. I could see a huge grin across all of the kids faces. I was so happy to see them like that. So we soon gathered as many leaves as possible into a huge pile. They were jumping around in it and slowly more and more children showed up. now i dont want you to think we had like 20 kids out there we only had like 6 but it was so great! We then started throwing the leaves all over the place. I felt like i was 7 again. I was having so much fun... THROWING LEAVES!

So you are probably wondering why i thought it was important to post this story... well i didnt know at first but i have been thinking about it all day and have come up with this:

I have been thinking to myself how many times do i get this excited to spend time with GOD?! God, the one who created me, the one who forgives me, the one who loves me UNCONDITIONALLY...

The joy that filled my heart today as well as the hearts of the kids i was playing with, its something that we didnt have to try to get. We just had fun and let the situation ingulf us. How many times though do we have fun with God or enjoy God and let Him ingulf us? The joy i was feeling outside is nothing compared to the joy that Christ offers to me everyday! I am hoping and praying that i can get to a point where even thinking about spending a second with the Lord gives me a huge grin across my face and causes my heart to be filled with so much joy and excitement that i cant even contain it. What about you? How much joy have you been allowing from God?

:)

Well tonight i have had some time to reflect on things. My blog really is a reflection of the day. TODAY WAS FANTASTIC. I really enjoy everything we do here. Today we had a photo shoot... the picture above is just me going a little over the top with picnik :P But yeah so anyways. I feel so blessed being here at Railton. I am growing more and more everyday and I see Gods work more present everyday. He is just on a roll of pouring out His grace on my life. I have been struggling as you may know with not really having friends here but since i was ready to admit it to myself and God and i have been dilegent in prayer about it God has provided people for me to hang out with and get to know. I sometimes get so wrapped up in my world i forget about the things that are right in front of me. The people here at school are the people God knew I would need while i am here. They are all wonderful and supportive. I am so thankful that I have a relationship with a LOVING and FAITHFUL God. :) It makes my heart happy.

ANYWAYS:
i am feeling very blessed.
O and if you are wondering i am going to HAMPTON, NH for my winter internship :)
I am super excited to see what the Lord has in store for me!

Defeated

For some reason today has been horrible.

I am feeling defeated beyong what i ever thought imaginable

I feel like i should be somewhere else

I just feel like screaming or crying or something

Praying to make friends or at least some connection soon.

Praying i can speak up boldly

Praying for comfort.

Be That Change

Tonight I made this poster because i have only been able to think about this quote for about 36 hours. It is constantly running through my mind. and i am seeing it everywhere. I remember the first time i ever saw it in my life. My junior year of high school i was sitting in my English class.... not paying attention... as always, and i saw this magnet on one of my teachers filing cabinets. For the rest of that class all i could think about were all of the crazy ideas i had on changing the world. I looked at that magnet everyday for about 4 and 1/2 months. I changed completely how i started looking at the world around me.

This year when i arrived at Railton i was walking through the hallway to get to the elevator and i was looking at all of the pictures and quotes on the wall. This quote by Gandhi happens to be in a place i pass everyday. Its amazing to me how those things work out.

This weekend I went to an young adult retreat in Pennsylvania. The whole week end focused on a verse in Micah that says to act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God. I think this verse so completely goes with the words that Gandhi spoke. The only way we will be able to make a change is if we are applying these 3 guidelines. I heard so many amazing stories this weekend about young people doing crazy awesome things. I heard of organizations making a huge difference I saw with my own eyes God showing the young people where he wanted them and what he wanted them to be doing. Calling out to them and providing opportunities to make a difference. I have a lot to think and pray about this week... and longer. I know God is calling me to do something that will change the world. Just asking Him what it is. I know it will be great.

What is God calling you to do? Has he placed a burning passion on your heart and you have been too afraid to take action? Please don't back down, God is right there waiting for you to step out and trust Him.

YOU CAN BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD!

The Desert Song- Hillsong

A friend reminded me today of this song. Its one of my favorites. And i see it very much the cry of my heart at this moment. Thanks Sarah!


Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've recieved I will sow