Justin

Some of you that read this will know what I am blogging about this time and some will have no idea. His name is Justin. He's my age. We went to school together... we dated freshman year. He is a great guy. I've seen him around at the mall and such since school has ended. I requested to be his friend on facebook Monday night. We were friends but we have really grown apart. Just Monday night I found out I will not get a response to that request. Justin gone. I will never see him again. I will never have a chance to reach out to him. I will never know why he was so unhappy with his life... and how he was so good at hiding it. Its unreal to me. I didn't think i would ever have to go through this again. Don't get me wrong this isn't about me and how sad I am but it just breaks my heart that Justin felt like there was no other way out. I don't know what its going to be like going back home and wondering the mall knowing that he isn't working at some food shop. I don't know what I will do when I get home and realize that this isn't all a joke or a dream. I don't know what I will do when I get home and I see the pain and mourning in my friends eyes. A hole in their hearts. No even through all of this I feel peace. It doesn't make any sense to me other then i know God is with me. I know that he has something bigger coming out of this. When I chatted with Sharon Monday night I felt ok. I felt like I could get it all out. I felt like maybe this wasn't even real. I felt angry at first, then I felt guilt. Isn't it our job to reach out to the lost? Doesn't Christ call me to reach my friends and at least tell them that there is someone who loves them and wont ever leave them? I wish I had taken even a second to tell Justin that there is something bigger for him, That even when the world seemed to have shut him out in the moment that God was right beside him. This was all just another wake up call for me. I only have my life... which could be over anytime... to reach my friends and family with the love of Christ. I have taken this all for granted. I have just assumed I have all the time in the world. I don't. neither do you. Get up. tell someone. Don't hold it in anymore. IT COULD SAVE SOMEONES LIFE.

I love you Justin.
I will miss you forever.

Praise

I found myself in my room by myself yesterday listening and singing along with some worship music. My favorite song came on and i found myself in a place of worship. just sitting in my chair hands in the air singing this song out to my creator. This is just one of the many things changing in me.

Be encouraged, your prayers got me here. You examples on my life have shaped me,  God placed you in my life for a reason. Thank you. All of you. I will be forever grateful for every little and big thing you have ever done for me.

if you want to know what song i was refering to its called
The Desert Song- Hillsong.
check it out, its wonderful.

Life Renewed

I dont even really know where to start it has been so long since i posted.
I suppose i will start where I left off... Camp.
Camp wasnt what i was expecting. It wasnt the big life changing totally awesome summer that i had hoped for. The begining to be completely honest was horrible. I didnt understand why i was there and i couldnt understand why i wasn't doing something a bit more useful with my summer. Then i realized what was wrong. I was so angry with God for changing everything around me. I knew i was going to school and nothing was changing that but i was scared and angry that God was taking me out of this safe place and putting me into the unknown.  I chatted with a wonderful person that night and finally realized it all. My summer then changed. I started to see that i was making a difference at camp, and that i did belong there. I solidified some awesome friendships this summer which couldnt make me more happy. But most importantly i learned how to trust that God has a big plan for me in everything i do.

Now i am here at school. Now i wont lie and say im not nervous still. Because i definitely am, i am scared that i am not going to do well. I scared that i am going to try to rely on my own strength and forget about God... Though at this point it seems about impossible to do that. Satan is trying to wheel himself into this Holy ground and i am going to fight him and i will win cause i have Christ on my side.
This place is like nothing i have ever been in before. Talking about Christ is the norm in every conversation. Finding Him in every circumstance is so easy, and so natural. The leaders of this program might be the most Godly people i have ever met. When i am even near them i feel Gods presence. He is doing great things through them and i am excited to see what God has planned for me to learn through them. I know i will be changed leaving this place. i see it happening already. BIG things are happening for me.
Im finally excited for what comes next!