Some of you that read this will know what I am blogging about this time and some will have no idea. His name is Justin. He's my age. We went to school together... we dated freshman year. He is a great guy. I've seen him around at the mall and such since school has ended. I requested to be his friend on facebook Monday night. We were friends but we have really grown apart. Just Monday night I found out I will not get a response to that request. Justin gone. I will never see him again. I will never have a chance to reach out to him. I will never know why he was so unhappy with his life... and how he was so good at hiding it. Its unreal to me. I didn't think i would ever have to go through this again. Don't get me wrong this isn't about me and how sad I am but it just breaks my heart that Justin felt like there was no other way out. I don't know what its going to be like going back home and wondering the mall knowing that he isn't working at some food shop. I don't know what I will do when I get home and realize that this isn't all a joke or a dream. I don't know what I will do when I get home and I see the pain and mourning in my friends eyes. A hole in their hearts. No even through all of this I feel peace. It doesn't make any sense to me other then i know God is with me. I know that he has something bigger coming out of this. When I chatted with Sharon Monday night I felt ok. I felt like I could get it all out. I felt like maybe this wasn't even real. I felt angry at first, then I felt guilt. Isn't it our job to reach out to the lost? Doesn't Christ call me to reach my friends and at least tell them that there is someone who loves them and wont ever leave them? I wish I had taken even a second to tell Justin that there is something bigger for him, That even when the world seemed to have shut him out in the moment that God was right beside him. This was all just another wake up call for me. I only have my life... which could be over anytime... to reach my friends and family with the love of Christ. I have taken this all for granted. I have just assumed I have all the time in the world. I don't. neither do you. Get up. tell someone. Don't hold it in anymore. IT COULD SAVE SOMEONES LIFE. I love you Justin.
I will miss you forever.
Wow. I'm so sorry for your loss...
ReplyDeleteNever forget that God is the God of advancement and encouragement. When we experience something difficult or when we feel conviction - and are led to repentance, that is God! Having a repentant heart is advancement!
But after you have surrendered and submitted yourself to the Lord, many people will tell you that you have yet to prove yourself. Not so. Jesus sees your heart - and there is no grief and no guilt for the heart that comes clean to God. So, if you come clean to God and still feel the guilt and shame - that is NOT God! He only does things that advance His kingdom. Be careful discerning His voice in difficult times like these.
By the way, I think you handled it really well, but I wanted to extend some encouragement anyway. Keep it up.
Hey Chris thanks so much first off for reading this and second off for the encouragement. It really means a lot to me! Your great!
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